Khadija Evans
My name is Khadija Evans and this is the story of how my husband and I came to
embrace Islam.
I can remember standing in the kitchen of the house I lived in when I was just 7
or 8 years old and looking towards the door that went outside. I prayed to a god
whom I wasnt sure existed and I begged Him to show himself to me if He was
really there. Nothing happened.
I can remember being 9 or 10 years old and writing a letter to God and hiding it
in the heat register in my bedroom, thinking that God, if He existed, would come
and retrieve it and answer my prayers. But the next day, the letter was still
there.
I had always had a hard time accepting the existence of God, and of
understanding the beliefs taught in Christian churches. Even though my parents
werent very religious, and rarely went to church, they thought it was best that
my two brothers and I go. We were allowed to choose our religion when we very
young. I think I was about 6 or 7, and my brothers were 1 and 2 years older then
I. I chose a Methodist church for no other reason then it was a few blocks away
from our house, and my brothers chose a Lutheran church because it was also
close, and I hadnt chosen it.
I went to the church until I was 13 years old. I was baptized and confirmed
there when I was 11. I went along with the baptism and confirmation because all
children who were 11 received confirmation, and if they hadnt already been
baptized, that was done at the same time. Even then I knew that doubts I had
about God and Christian teachings were things best kept to myself.
When I was 13 my family moved to another town with no churches within walking
distance, and my parents werent eager to get up early and drive us kids to
church, and so our religious training stopped until I was 15 and my mom suddenly
found religion. She began attending an Assembly of God church, occasionally
dragging my dad along. I went willingly. I had already begun a search for God
that wouldnt end until I was 42 years old.
I remember being "born again". Caught up in the fervor of the hell and damnation
that the minister preached at the Assembly of God church. I became "high on
religion" thinking I had finally found "Him." Little did I know, but the high
would be short lived, as I again began to have doubts and unanswered questions.
When I was 17 I met the daughter of an assistant Baptist minister and began
going to their church. My dad from the time I was at least 6 years old had
sexually abused me and I told the assistant minister about it. He arranged with
my parents to let me live with him and his family in a type of "private foster
care." My dad paid him $100 a week. My parents also attended the church for a
brief time, until the minister announced from the pulpit that my dad was a child
molester. Before that day though, my mom, dad and I were each baptized at the
church.
One day after spending the day with my parents I returned to my foster home only
to find the house empty. Cleaned out. Not a stick of furniture. We found out
that the minister had been caught embezzling from the church and he and his
family had left town in a hurry. I returned to my parent’s home and the abuse.
As a result of what that minister had done, what little belief I had in God was
totally lost and I became an atheist. For the next 25 years I would fluctuate
between believing, Agnosticism, and Atheism.
When I was 26 I went to 3 months of Rights of Initiation for Catholic Adults and
then was baptized and confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church. I had been allowed
to by-pass the full year of classes because I hadnt called the church to
inquire about converting until 3 months before the Easter Vigil Mass when
confirmation for adults was held.
I had entered the Catholic religion with the same philosophy that I had once
heard Alcoholics Anonymous has, "Bring your body, your mind will follow." I
didnt really believe in God, or in the core teachings of the Catholic Church,
but I wanted so badly to believe in a power higher then myself, that I went
faithfully to mass 7 days a week, hoping that somehow I would start to believe.
But after several months, I began to realize that it wasnt going to happen, and
my mass attendance became a once a week thing, then once a month, until when I
was 30 and met the man who today is my husband and who wasnt Catholic, and I
stopped attending mass altogether.
I had never told anyone before my husband that I didnt believe in God. I dont
think he took me seriously at first. I dont think he had ever known an Atheist.
And he couldnt understand why I would have been going to church if I didnt
believe in God.
My husband is 29 years older then I. Weve had a wonderful marriage for these
last 10 years. When we first met, I still desperately wanted to believe, and
kept making him promise me, "When you get to Heaven" he would ask God to give me
the strength to believe, and if at all possible, he would give me a sign, one
that I couldnt chalk up to my imagination, so I would know there really was a
god. He always promised me he would.
We were living in rural Alabama when I was 32 years old. I developed ulcerations
on both corneas and when they healed, I was legally blind. Because of damage
from infection that had been done to the tissue that donated corneas would have
to adhere to, I couldnt find an eye surgeon who believed that transplanted
corneas wouldnt be rejected.
I was still searching for God. I was searching for hope of something better then
what this world had to offer. Some kind of evidence of the chance for existence
after death. Some way to achieve it.
As a teenager I had watched Pat Robertson on the 700 Club, and as a young adult
I listened faithfully to televangelist Rev. Jimmy Saggert. In my 30s I watched
programs on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. All the while hoping that one of
the ministers would say something that would click in my mind, and I would
finally know, "Yes, there really is a god!" None of them ever said anything that
caused that connection to happen, though many said things that confused me even
more.
During the first 10 years after I became legally blind, I tried attending
different churches, Baptist again, Assembly of God again, non-Denominational,
Church of God, Mormon, and even studied up on Wicca. But I always lost interest
after just a few months. Things the religions taught just didnt add up. There
were just too many things left to faith. Things that had no proof other then
ones faith. I couldnt believe something when the only proof was some words in
a book that in large part didnt make sense.
I remember one night when I was about 35 years old, lying in bed and praying to
God, whom I still wasnt sure existed, and asking Him that if He did exist to
lead me to someone who could help me to believe. But I found no one.
At age 36 I acquired a Braille Bible and started reading it, once again hoping
to find proof of Gods existence. But with the Bible being so hard to
understand, with so much of it not really being explainable, I lost interest
after reading just a few of its books. At about that time, although still
wanting to find God, I gave up my search. I had become completely disillusioned
with religion.
On September 11, 2001 I was sitting at my computer. It was before 9 a.m. and as
usual the television, which was sitting to my right, was turned on for
background noise. I heard the sound that is made to notify viewers of an
important news announcement. I stopped and turned towards the TV. A reporter
began talking and one of the towers of the World Trade Center showed in the
background. He said an accident had happened. A small plane had hit one of the
towers of the World Trade Center. Im legally blind, but I could see well enough
to know that it wasnt a small plane that had hit the tower. The hole was
massive. And I didnt think it was possible to accidentally hit something so
big.
As I watched, another plane flew into the other tower. I couldnt see the plane
itself, it was too small for me to see even during the instant replays with my
face practically pressed up against the screen, but I saw the fireball that
exploded away from the building.
I jumped up and ran into the bedroom and told my husband to hurry and get up
because terrorists were flying planes into the World Trade Center buildings! He
immediately got out of bed and came in to the living room and sat in his
recliner and began to watch. It was about 9 a.m.
As time went by it was announced that a plane had been flown into the Pentagon
and another hijacked plane had crashed in Pennsylvania. I wondered when it would
end? And what in the world was going on???
At one point the reporter said it looked like "debris" was falling from the
buildings. My husband said it was people jumping. Something he has never been
able to forget. I was grateful that my vision was too bad for me to be able to
make out what even looked like "debris."
The reporter said a part of the first tower had fallen away from the building.
He spoke in a kind of hesitant voice. Now I wonder if he was unsure of what he
was seeing. Because we later found out that a part of the building hadnt fallen
away. The building had completely collapsed.
A female reporter was crying and a male reporter hugged her. I was crying too.
And my husband hugged me.
For weeks afterward I would start crying for no apparent reason. Id be riding
on the bus and have to turn my head towards the window and pretend I was looking
out so that other riders wouldnt see the tears escaping my eyes.
When we were in a restaurant, Id have to use my napkin to dab the tears welling
up in my eyes before the other diners noticed and wondered if I was some kind of
a nut.
I was Christian then and I cared. And I was devastated. I couldnt understand
how a religion could promote such violence, as the media was saying Islam did.
It made no sense to me. So I decided to find out for myself. One way or another
I wanted to know the truth.
Because of my partial blindness I was limited to information from the Internet.
Finding books about Islam in Braille or ink print that was large enough for me
to read was impossible. I was able to use a computer because I had magnification
software installed so I could enlarge the font on the screen to a size that I
could read.
I did searches and I began to read about Islam. I went to web sites that taught
the basics of Islam, and I joined Muslim womens e-groups where I was able to
ask and get answers that I confirmed through further research.
Ive always been a skeptic. Its always been hard for me to believe something
that I didnt understand. I was never one to believe something simply because
someone said it was so. I had to know it in my mind as well as in my heart.
While studying Islam I learned that the God Muslims worship is the same God as
that of Christians and Jews. The God of Abraham and Moses. I found that Islam
doesnt promote or condone hatred of non-Muslims, nor does it condone the
killing of innocent people.
By studying Islam I found the answers that the media wasnt telling us and I
came to know that Islam is the True Religion. Alhumdulilah! I read a lot of
convincing evidence, but the things that proved to me that there is a god, and
that Islam is the True Religion and that that the Quran is the Word of God,
were those in the Quran itself. The things that are of a scientific nature.
Things that have been discovered by scientists only in the last 100 years. The
only one who could have known those things 1400 years ago was Allah.
For example, One day I was at a web site that was about some of the scientific
proofs in the Quran. One of the verses in the Quran tells about the death of
our own solar system.
Al-Rahman 37-38 "When the sky is torn apart, so it was (like) a red rose like
ointment. Then which of the favors of your lord will you deny?"
There was a link that went to the NASA web site.
http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap991031.html
When I clicked the link I had no idea what was going to be on the next page, but
what I saw took my breath away. Tears came to my eyes. I knew - if I had had any
doubts left - I knew at the moment, that Islam is the True Religion of Allah.
MashAllah!
The page the link took me to showed what looked like a red rose. It was the
"Cats Eye Nebula." Which was an exploding star 3000 light years away. It had
been photographed with the Hubble Space Telescope. Scientists say that it is the
same fate that awaits our own solar system. Muslims refer to it as the "Rose
Nebula." It had been described in the Quran 1400 years ago. People back then
had no way of knowing about it. Only Allah could have known.
On September 12, 2002, the day of my birthday, scientists using the Hubble Space
Telescope found a second Rose Nebula. A gift from Allah to all mankind. This
time the scientists called it by its rightful name, "The Rose Nebula."
http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/space/09/12/hubble.rose/
After accepting in my mind as well as in my heart that Islam is the True
Religion, I knew that I was already a Muslim and the only thing left to do was
to profess my faith.
I looked in an Internet directory for masjids in my community. I called the one
in the next town and told the person who answered the phone that I wanted to
convert to Islam, and asked him when I could make my Shahada(Profession of
Faith). He told me to be there at 4 p.m. on Saturday when the Imam would also be
there. I told him that I ride the bus everywhere and it wouldnt be running late
enough for me to be able to get back home and so could I come earlier? He said
not to worry; someone would give me a ride home. I arrived as scheduled, and as
Allah had scheduled, I began my new life. MashAllah!
I have since come to realize that on that day, the greatest event of my life
occurred. I had always thought that the most wonderful thing to ever happen to
me was the day that I married my husband. But I now know it wasnt. The most
important day of my life was the day I made my Shahada and accepted Islam as the
way of life Allah intended me to live. It was the day I acknowledged that Islam
is the way to salvation, to Heaven, and I made a choice to practice it.
I cant say my reverting to Islam thrilled my husband. He believed what the
media was saying about Muslims and the religion. He didnt like it that I went
to the masjid several evenings a week and left him home alone to be bored. One
night after he was finished complaining about me going to the masjid yet again I
sat down a few feet away from him and I calmly told him, "I will never ask you
to practice a religion you dont believe in. I love you too much to try and
force that on you. But I do want you to learn about Islam so that you will at
least understand what it is that I believe." I then stood up and went into the
bedroom and finished dressing to go to the masjid. I kissed him goodbye and I
left.
When I returned home I found his whole attitude had changed. He was bright and
cheerful. That night, before going to bed, he began to learn about the beautiful
religion of Islam.
My husband began going to the masjid with me. While I studied with the sisters,
he would talk with a brother and ask him questions. At home he read things on
the Internet, and books that he had borrowed from the masjid. We would discuss
different things he was learning, and when a reporter on television would relate
the latest lie or myth about Islam I would point it out to him and explain the
truth.
When the day came and he told me about how some aspect of Islam was to be
practiced, in a "know it all" tone of voice, as if it were a fact, something
that I myself didnt know about, I asked him to tell me "How do you know
that???" and he replied, "Because its in the Quran!!" I was stunned! He
believed! Alhumdulilah! He knew that Islam was True! MashAllah! If it was in
the Quran, as far as he was concerned it was true! Thirty-six days after I
publicly professed my faith in Allah and His messenger, Prophet Muhammad(Peace
Be Upon Him), my husband professed his. MashAllah! We had an Islamic marriage
ceremony the same evening. I cried when my husband made his Shahada. I knew we
would be in Eternity together!
A month before, a brother had asked me what I thought the chances of my husband
converting were. I didnt want the brother getting his hopes up, or expecting
more of me then I could deliver and so I bluntly told him, "Zero." I said, "I
cant imagine someone so dramatically changing their beliefs after having
believed something else for 70 years." But 14 days before his 71st birthday he
embraced Islam as his religion and his way of life. Alhumdulilah!
In the Muslim community we have found another family. We have found friendship,
love and acceptance that were taught in the Christian religions we practiced at
different points in our lives, but that we felt never actually existed among
most of the members of the churches we went to.
Most of the Muslims in our area are immigrants, but we have found no intolerance
of Americans weather they are Muslim or not. We were both welcomed into the
family of Islam the very first time each of us went to the masjid. Weve always
felt welcome and accepted.
Since embracing Islam We have found direction and purpose for our lives. We have
found the meaning for our existence. We have come to realize that we really are
here only for a short time and that what comes afterwards is far better then the
fleeting pleasures that this world has to offer us.
I have found a sense of security concerning life after death that I had never
known before. We have both come to see the problems that we once saw as being
major as actually being opportunities to grow. We thank Allah for what we have,
as well for what we dont. Allah knows best.
Today we are Muslim. We still care about 9/11. I still cry when I think a little
too much about the events of that day. My husband still remembers the people
jumping from the buildings. We wish all we could say about that day was where we
had been when we "heard" that the WTC had been attacked. But we did see it
happen, and it was the most devastating thing to ever happen in our lives. But
from tragedy came victory. From death has come the knowledge that we will have
life after our death. And it will be spent together.
