Ibrahim Abu Khalid
The Qur'an is called the Criterion, because it is the benchmark by which we make decisions. Left by ourselves, Humans end up worshipping the most powerful thing they can see - elephants, the sun, planets, statues, or their own selves. Humans are also prone to extreme judgements and behaviour, whether in a religious stance or any other decisions they make.
Indeed, this problem has always existed, and Islam came to solve this conflict via the Qur'an and the practices of the Prophet (s.a.w.). However, these problems still persist in the Muslim community, and we are finding the extremes are becoming more prevalent. Either the person judges by his emotion, and is too soft in his judgement and actions, or he is too harsh and hard-hearted. You will find those who will be rash in matters of divorce, ostracising Muslims for their faults, and ever-ready to physically "correct" someone deviating from what he considers to be correct, and others who are hesitant to enforce Islamic rules and requirements from fear of "hurting" a persons feelings. This article examines the equilibrium stance Muslims must adopt, and how to balance between emotion and rationality.
A Soft Heart - An Essential Muslim Feeling
A Muslim is required to be soft hearted, and have feelings for others. The Prophet (s.a.w.) himself is a prime example of such qualities. The Prophet (s.a.w.) wept on the death of his son, Ibrahim, and said: "The eyes shed tears and the heart feels pain, but we utter only what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim! We are aggrieved at your demise." He also wept when his grand daughter, Umaymah, daughter of Zainab, died. At this occasion, Sa'ad bin 'Ubadah said: "O Messenger of Allah! Are you weeping? Did you not forbid Zainab from weeping?" The Prophet (s.a.w.) replied: "This (weeping) is the mercy that Allah has placed in the hearts of His servants. And surely Allah bestows mercy upon those who are merciful among His servants."
So we find that the softness of the heart is a reflection of the mercy a Muslim shows to others. There is nothing "unmanly" for a man to possess such a quality. A hard heart is very much an attribute of a man devoid of mercy, and as such, is causing more harm to others than he realises, and in danger of losing Allah's Mercy for his own lack of it.
The Prophet (s.a.w.) was merciful to all the Muslims, in obedience to Allah's command:
"And lower your wing for the believers (be courteous to the fellow-believers)" [15:88],
"And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you." [26:215]
He did not distinguish between races, nor poverty, nor class. If a Muslim caused him harm, he forgave him. If he needed help, he assisted. His character reflected the Qur'an, and was an integral part of the Da'wah he spread, for Allah said,
"And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust in Him" [S.3,V.159]
His kind treatment of others was a cause for many to turn to Islam, and to consider him a true prophet. He was charitable, kind towards the women and children, and a caring father.
The Caring Family Man
The Prophet (s.a.w.) was a kind husband, and was concerned for the emotional wellbeing of his family. It has been related that he would race his wife A'ishah. He would make jokes (truthful ones), and when angry, would not extend his hands against his wives, nor verbally degrade them. Rather, his method of showing his disapproval or anger was to keep away from them, even for up to a month.
A'ishah (r.a.a.) said "When she [Fatimah (r.a.a.)] came to visit him (the Prophet), he got up to (welcome) her, took her by the hand, kissed her and made her sit where he was sitting..." [Abu Dawud]
Once Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, "I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them." Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully." [Bukhari]
The Prophet (s.a.w.) would clean the noses and eyes of children, carry children on his back whilst praying, and shorten the Salaah when hearing the crying of children.
The Friend
The Prophet (s.a.w.) dealt with his companions in a loving, attentive way. He held their hands when walking, and enjoyed seeing them laugh; he wrestled, raced, and joked with them. The women would seek his help with whatever problem they had, whether it was a problem with family or a question of Fiqh.
Clearly, his manner was such that no one felt intimidated on approaching him for any matter. Allah mentioned his quality as thus:
"And Verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted standard of character" [68:4].
And the behaviour of his Companions is but a reflection of this attitude the Prophet (s.a.w.) possessed. They didn't think it too much to smile in the face of their Muslim brothers, nor too derogatory to treat other Muslims with respect and mercy. Even with their disagreements, they acted in an honourable and respectful manner.
Abu Bakr (r.a.a) was so loved that the children would rush on to the streets and call him "father, father." Umar bin Khattab (r.a.a) once told a Sahaabah "If the people knew how merciful I am towards them, I'm afraid they will climb over me." About Uthman (r.a.a) the Prophet (s.a.w) said "Take care of him, for he is the closest to me in morals."
The well-known four scholars, Imam Abu Hanifah, Imam Malik, Shafi and Ahmad ibn Hanbal would visit each other, pray behind one another, speak highly of each other.
But you will find that many of today's Muslims, whether in giving Da'wah, relating with others, or as head of a family, they turn towards harshness, thinking this is the way to treat others, and Allah is pleased with such a behaviour. In imitation of the society they live in, or in answering the whisperings of Shaytan, this behaviour of theirs is exacerbating the differences found within the Muslim Ummah. Minor issues pertaining to religious acts are blown out of proportion. When someone is found committing a sin, instead of covering his fault, as the Prophet (s.a.w.) has advised us, so that Allah may cover ours, he alerts everyone to his fault, embarrassing the person and perhaps turning him away from guidance.
This in turn has led to a disgusting level of backbiting in our community and hatred of others whose thoughts or Manhaj (as distinct from Aqueedah) may clash with ours. Either we will name them as being deviants, or amongst the ignorant, fasiq or even totally throw them out of religion. Yet, Islam is more lenient towards Muslims. To inflict the Hadd (Legal Islamic Punishment) upon a Muslim, the evidence must be total and without doubt, not heresay or circumstantial evidence. When a woman who had committed adultery was stoned, and her blood spurted upon one Sahabi, he cursed her, and was heavily rebuked by the Prophet (s.a.w.). He remarked that she had made a Tawbah which, if divided on all the inhabitants of al-Madinah, will suffice them.
This hardness of the heart must be softened from the realisation that Muslims are one community, a bond that should never be jeopardised. We can only begin to appreciate the way we must treat others when we begin to associate with them more, and look upon our own faults instead of concentrating upon everyone else's, and when the fear of Allah ties us back from intentionally putting harm on any Muslim, even if in jest. The Apostle of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "None of you should take the property of his brother in amusement (i.e. jest), nor in earnest".[Abu Dawud] It has also been narrated that a man once hid the shoe another as a way of joke. When the other man returned, he found it missing and began to panic. So the Prophet (s.a.w.) rebuked him for causing pain to the Muslim, even though he meant it in jest.
Nor should a man remind the other of the favour done to him, as this is a cause of hurt for the receiver, and Allah says:
"Those who spend their substance in the cause of Allah and follow not up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury for them their reward is with their Lord; on them shall be no fear nor shall they grieve." [2:262]
The hard heart is a source of division, but only when in dealings with Muslims. Of course, we have also seen the other extreme, that being the excessive softness and leniency, which I consider to be the culprit for many of today's dilemmas. This Insha' Allah will be discussed in the next issue.
Allah's Messenger (s.a.w.) said: "There is in the Paradise an apartment, the exterior of which can be seen from its interior, and the interior of which can be seen from its exterior. Such apartments have been prepared for those who are polite in talk, provide food (to the needy), fast frequently and observe the Tahajjud prayer when the people are asleep." [Tirmidhi]
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